Being Kind to Kin: cultivating compassion in families fractured by religious differences
Description of a workshop offering by Oralee Stiles Hamilton
Participants will offer their experiences of family ruptures and healings related to religious differences in their own life. We will discuss five tools to cultivate compassion in these difficult family situations. We will look at the possibilities for extending compassion rather than trying to convince others of a right or wrong way. Participants will practice using some of the tools through role playing with other group members.
Five tools for shifting the dynamics of families fractured by religious differences. These are also ways to accompany those struggling with how to march to their own drum and remain connected to their families when their path is so different.
- Invitational Curiosity – Focus on learning more about the person and what was behind the choices rather than defending or rejecting the particular religious views.
- The Kaleidoscope Turns – All the elements remain the same, but they take different shapes when one turns the kaleidoscope from judgmental condemnation to loving kindness.
- View from Above – Take off in a small plane and look down at the landscape of the family. What stands out as important? What are possibilities as seen from the higher perspective? Hand out the lyrics for the song, “From a Distance.”
- An Attitude of Gratitude – Make a list of each family member in the circle of concern. Next to each name, list five things for which you are grateful. They can be attributes, contributions, gifts, kindnesses, skills. In a meditative state, invite each person one by one into your heart and slowly recall each of the five items. Talk to the person about your appreciation for them. Be open to receiving a gift or some words from them. Invite God into the relationship to hold you both in healing embrace.
- End of Life: Joys and Regrets – On your death bed, what is important about your relationship with each person in the family? Are there regrets which you can do something about now? What are the joys? How can they be multiplied now?
Make plans for an imaginary family reunion. What would you like to say to each person? What can you do to soften the tensions between specific members? At the end of the reunion, how would you like to feel, what would you like to think, how can you hold each person lovingly?
What can you do now?
Desired Outcome: Participants will feel motivated by each other’s stories to extend compassion within their own family groups. They will have intentional tools to make changes in their own outlook and to offer their families ways to heal fractures caused by religious differences.
The practice and skills we acquire building bridges within our families are the same ones needed to build bridges across the religious divisions in the world. The ripple effect of cultivating compassion within our families spreads outward to compassion among other groups and inward to compassion for our own internal fractures. Greater peace within families allows for more peace in the world.
My background and qualifications: I have been a teacher and workshop leader most of my adult life and a spiritual director since 1994.
I grew up in Protestant Christianity, to which I have returned after a 20-year sojourn in metaphysics, earth-based spirituality, Buddhist meditation, and the Divine feminine. For 30 years I have accompanied my daughter in her Orthodox Judaism, taking part in the ritual life of my grandchildren and their Jewish communities. This daughter and I wrote a book together for families of newly religious Jews (Baal Teshuva) and converts to Judaism to help these families stay connected through the major differences in life style and commitments.
Another daughter asked me, “Is it OK that I don’t believe in God?” I have step children and grandchildren who follow paths within Reform Judaism, secular humanism, Zen Buddhism, Quaker Friends and Native American rituals. Two of my Jewish grandchildren currently describe themselves as atheists. My brother is an evangelical Christian and newly ordained Baptist minister and my sister embraces new age spirituality.
The practices and compassion in “Being Kind to Kin” are dear to my heart and life experience. I have lived and used these tools to stay connected to my own extended family. I have been invited to speak to groups, give sermons and work with families on these issues. The finest testament is that of my grandchildren who have felt my love and support for their Jewish lifestyle knowing it is very different from my own.